January 18, 2010 - Proverbs 3:5,6

Last Friday we laid my husband's ashes to rest. There is nothing more to do for him, except remember and cherish the thirty years we had together. It seems an appropriate time to revisit my "life verse."

God gave me my Life Verse some years ago. Many of you will know it by heart:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

This is my year for trusting God. Not that I shouldn't be saying that every year and every day, but the truth of the matter is I am far more likely to trust myself and my fellow human beings before I turn to God. That's just the way of it. I seem, somehow, to think that my petty little issues are a "bother" to God, and I should be able to handle things myself. After all, He's got bigger things to worry about than me. Good Lord, how silly is that???

When my husband was alive he rarely called his sons. When I asked him why, he said he didn't want to intrude on their lives; he didn't want to "bother" them. He never seemed to understand how painful and hurtful that was to them. He didn't want to be a "burden." And both he and his sons lost out.

Wow...do I see myself there. Instead of not wanting to "bother" my children, I don't want to "bother" my Father. Does it cause God pain when I don't turn to Him, even with the most petty of problems? Is he disappointed that I don't come to Him first instead of "using" Him as a last resort? I know I'm anthropomorphizing God in this, attributing human characteristics to God when He is so much bigger than that, but it does make me think.

Why don't I go to God first? How often do I wait to pray until there's nothing left to do but pray? So, if this is my year for trusting God, then I need to learn to turn to Him first. I need to consult Him first. I need to look to Him for everything. Yes, I need people too. After all, that's how God works most of the time, through people.

In the year 1653, Quaker George Fox put it this way: "How else dost thou think He can manifest His love? Through nature? Through the trees, the clouds, the beasts in the field, the stars? No, only through beings capable of doing so; ourselves."

Indeed. So, this year I shall attempt to lean not on my own understanding, but to acknowledge Him, and let Him lead me. I suspect I may need to revisit this verse many times this year...

Blessings