October 18, 2010 - Sirach 6:7,8 - Friends

"When you gain friends, gain them through testing,
and do not trust them hastily.
For there are friends who are such when it suits them,
but they will not stand by you in time of trouble."

We have a saying for that type of friend: "fair weather." And many of our friends fall into this category. When the going gets tough, well...they disappear like a cat at a dog's bark.

So, the question for you today is, not who can you count on, but who can count on you? You see, I have a friend. Most of my friends have a pretty poor opinion of this friend, and I understand why. But when a friend is a friend, well...sometimes you just have to overlook some things if you're going to be loyal and true.

Are you familiar with the Vocals By Locals CD? It's called "Crew Girls, and it's one of my favorites. I've worn out more than one CD because I'll play it over and over. In the car, at home, going to sleep at night. At the risk of infringing on copyright, I want to share a bit of one of the songs here, because it fits. (check out their website and listen... )

I can’t tell you how your life’ll work
It’s a complicated earth, but I really care
Can’t offer you the secret of success
Any road to happiness
Or a way to make things fair
But I can tell you that you’re really somethin’
When you go wonderin’ if it’s all for nothin’

CHORUS:
if you just fell down ‘n you can’t get up
if you been runnin’ ragged ‘n you’re plain outa luck
if your sweet spirit won’t let you even laugh
just know I’m here for you, just know I got your back.

That's what a friend should be - someone you can count on when everybody else has counted you out. Sometimes being a true friend is seen as foolish, stupid even. But if you really care about somebody, and if you really believe in them and only want their happiness, then you stand by them, no matter what. You want what's best for them, even if your friendship doesn't make any sense to anybody else.

So...who is your friend? And who are you a friend to?

Blessings, Phoenix

October 17, 2010 - Sirach 5:4-7 Sin and forgiveness

Today's reading is from the Apocryphal book of Ecclesiasticus, or the Wisdom of Jesus Son of Sirach:

"Do not say, 'I have sinned, yet what has happened to me?'
for the Lord is slow to anger.
Do not be so confident of forgiveness that you add sin to sin.
Do not say, 'His mercy is great, He will forgive the multitude of my sins.'
for both mercy and wrath are with Him, and His anger will rest on sinners.
Do not delay to turn back to the Lord,
and do not postpone it from day to day;
for suddenly the wrath of the Lord will come upon you,
and at the time of punishment you will perish."

It is so easy to fall back into sin. A door opens, and in we walk. Again. And again. And again. Sometimes I think the line between what is sin and what isn't becomes blurred. Perhaps we are blinded by our own needs, wants, desires and wishes. We may try to make something what we want it to be instead of what it is.

I think it's not the sinning that is warned against here, though there is that. It is the confidence that no matter what we do, or how often we do it...well, God will forgive me. It's okay. I'll just say I'm sorry and God will forgive me. Again. And again. And again.

God is not a vending machine, passing out forgiveness for a token. True repentance comes from the heart, and that is what God honors. But we are human, after all, and I believe God takes that into consideration when we are so quick to deceive ourselves once again that perhaps our sin wasn't really sin at all. It's just too darn easy to do that.

But God never fails to provide an "out." He knows how we are. He knows we are weak, and foolish, and sometimes downright stupid. He knows we deceive ourselves into actions that open the road to hell. He knows how we are. But He always gives us an "out." He always makes a way for us to escape. He always opens wide His arms to those who are truly repentant, even if we have sinned in the same manner more than once. What He is NOT is "easy." His forgiveness is not bought with glib words, but with a truly repentant heart. His forgiveness is not handed over with an "I'm sorry" that is not truly meant.

Much as we hate to think it, "mercy AND WRATH are with Him." God's punishment is very real. I've been thinking a bit about God's punishment. When I was a child, and I misbehaved, I was far more sorry for having disappointed my father than I was in fear of my mother's belt. Mom could beat me with the belt, and I hated it, but if I knew I had disappointed Daddy, that cut me to the quick, and I was far more repentant. I think maybe that's the way it is with God too.

So, yes, God's mercy is great. And yes, perhaps we count on that mercy just a little too much. It would be easier, perhaps, if one could be sure that one was sinning, because sometimes the line seems a little blurred. How can something that the world, and the Bible, and society knows to be wrong seem so very, very right? Is that how the devil traps us? By making evil seems good, and good evil?

It is a fine line we walk sometimes. A very fine line. And staying on the "right" side of the line is not easy. But even though we can always count on God's mercy if we are truly repentant, it is wise to remember that God has a wrathful side as well.

Blessings, Phoenix

October 8, 2010 - 2 Esdras 2:20-24

From the Apocryphal book of 2 Esdras. God is speaking to the church He calls "mother."

"Guard the rights of the widow, secure justice for the ward, give to the needy, defend the orphan, clothe the naked, care for the injured and the weak, do not ridicule the lame, protect the maimed, and let the blind have a vision of My splendor. Protect the old and the young within your walls. When you find any who are dad, commit them to the grave and mark it, and I will give you the first place in My resurrection. Pause and be quiet, My people, because your rest will come."

I do love the Apocrypha. The Protestant politics that pulled these books out of the Bible made the Word of God so much less. This passage is tucked within other exhortations about doing good works and how the church is to treat its people. God calls the church "Mother" and "Father," as an example of how we are to act towards each other. But I believe He is also calling upon physical mothers and fathers to treat their children with respect, and to love and nurture them.

As I read this I am again reminded that Jesus Himself was very familiar with the books that we call the Apocrypha. He studied them, knew them, drew his own teachings from them. Does this passage not sound suspiciously like Psalm 146:9? (Look it up!)

Throughout the Bible are numerous references to widows and orphans as being especially in need of protection and care. In Biblical days, both were completely without power and at the mercy of the communities in which they lived. While widows have a slightly better time in this modern day, children are still and always will be in need of protection and care from those around them.

I like the final passage here, because once again God reminds us to "Be still and know that I am God." He's saying, Don't sweat the small stuff. I got it covered. Don't get your knickers in a twist or your panties in a bunch. I'm God, not you...remember?

Blessings, Phoenix

October 7, 2010 - Colossians 3:15 - Be thankful

"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful."

It was not easy deciding on a verse this morning. Especially in this letter of St. Paul to the Colossians. There is a LOT in here! But in the end, I had to choose this one. Why? Because of the last sentence.

"And be thankful."

As you know, it's been a rough summer. I fell down the rabbit hole and had a heck of a time climbing back out. Which is where God comes in. And where being thankful comes in.

When I look at my life, I have much to be thankful for. God continues to care for me. He is opening the appropriate doors for me. He is screwing my head back on straight so that I can make decisions with it, instead of running about in all directions, wringing my hands, and crying "what do I do?" That alone is enough to be thankful for.

I am thankful, of course, for the usual things, the tangible things: a place to live, my health, my family and friends, my dogs, financial income (small though it may be), my church. And God shines there, of course. But I think where God really shines is in the intangible, those things we cannot see, but only feel and know in our hearts.

God shines in a blessed night's sleep after finally making a decision. He shines in the feeling of peace one gets in church, singing His praises. He shines when we remember and truly know Jesus Christ as our Lord, and not just Someone we read about on Sunday. God shines when we recognize that He is with us every second of every day, and that He watches over us all the time, even when we are being idiots.

It is early morning, and outside my window I hear a bird singing; another blessing. Jasper is lying in his bed beside the computer, perfectly content in his role as "dog." This may be off topic a bit, but I wonder why we cannot be as content in our own roles as simply "God's children?" We climb the corporate ladder, we run about grasping this, that and the other thing. We do, do, do. When do we stop? When do we stop and just pause in our hurried flight through this thing we call life and just take a moment to be thankful for the love of God?

So, this morning, Lord, thank You. Thank You that You love me. Thank you "for our creation, preservation, and all the blessings of this life; but above all for Your immeasurable love in the redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ." Thank You, Lord. Thank You for family, for friends, for opening the doors I'm supposed to walk through. Thank You for love.

Blessings, Phoenix

October 3, 2010 - Psalm 68:5,6 - Home

"Father of orphans and protector of widows,
is God in his holy habitation.
God give the desolate a home to live in..."

Well, so far I qualify. Both my parents have passed on; my husband as well. While I'm not so sure about the "desolate" part, I have been thinking about "home" a lot.

Home. There is something about the word that conjures up nostalgic feelings, even if you never had what you are nostalgic for. A white house with green shutters, wraparound porch, white picket fence, dinner on the table at 6:00 and a cozy fire in the fireplace.

I didn't have that. Did you?

While I will not dwell on the "home" of my childhood, which was not just one, but several houses, apartments, or other places to sleep, it seems appropriate at this time of my life to ponder just what, or where, home might actually be. Especially now that I'm about to lose mine. Where will "home" be for me?

I've moved around a lot. I guess I was born with my father's itchy foot. The longest I ever stayed anywhere, in the same house, was up in Northern California where I lived for 18 years. A lifetime. When I was a kid I don't remember ever having Christmas in the same house twice. So, for me, 18 years was a very long time indeed.

I learned in Maine that people are more important than place. Don't get me wrong - I LOVED Maine. I got the summer and the fall of 2001, and I might have stayed after 9/11 if I had somebody to stay with, or for. But I didn't, and so I came "home."

People are still more important than place. Now that I'm getting ready to retire, I can go anywhere I want. I have a lot of options. Maybe too many. What I WANT is not feasible, simply because of finances. So, what I will "settle" for will depend on many things. I may not end up with my "people." I may end up somewhere entirely different.

But...enough about my situation. Back to defining "home," if such a thing can be done. Some years ago, when I was doing prison visitation work, I went to Philadelphia every year for a workshop. The workshop was usually held in October, when it was often quite chilly. Many "homeless" people made a home for themselves in the alcoves of stores, or created a "home" out of cardboard boxes. I remember one woman who had her alcove fitted out with shelves on which to store her few possessions. So, home, I guess, is wherever you create it.

They say home is where the heart is. I suppose that's true enough. The problem is, what if your heart is scattered about the country, in a zillion different places? It's difficult to be content when you are being pulled in so many different directions. Santa Barbara, Connecticut, Redding, Arkansas...where is home for me?

I know many people who have been in the same home for years. Chip's parents lived in the same house for over 50 years and were perfectly content there. Others, like me, are restless souls, never quite content anywhere. Always looking...the grass is always greener somewhere else.

I wonder if this restlessness is more than a temporal thing. I wonder if the restless search for "home" in this world is simply a soul-deep, spiritual longing for the next Home. Now, I do not claim to know what God's Home is like. I don't think anybody on earth knows that. I don't think God's Home is paved with gold and has pearly gates and people are hanging out on the clouds playing their harps. But I do think that God's Home truly is where the heart is. I think we carry a bit of God's Home inside us, a remembrance of Where we came from, and Where, God willing, we shall return.

No matter where my finances take me, no matter where I end up, or how many places I end up before God calls me Home, I know that one day, I will be content in the only place where my real Home is - with Jesus.

Blessings, Phoenix

October 1, 2010 - Sirach 2:12-14,18 - Timidity

"Woe to timid hearts and to slack hands,
and to the sinner who walks a double path!
Woe to the fainthearted who have no trust!
Therefore they will have no shelter.
Woe to you who have lost your nerve!
What will you do when the Lord's reckoning comes?
Let us fall into the hands of the Lord,
but not into the hands of mortals;
for equal to His majesty is His mercy,
and equal to His name are His works."

Are you a timid person? Oh, I'm not talking about being timid in business or timid in your personal life. I'm talking about being timid about your faith in Jesus Christ? Do you not speak because you're afraid you'll offend someone? Do you not share your faith because it never seems "appropriate" to do so? The Bible tells us to be ready, in season and out of it. Are you ready?

I believe every day God places before us many, many opportunities to share our faith. Now, I'm not talking about being obnoxious about it. Obnoxious Christians who tried to shove Jesus down my throat turned me away for years. I just wanted to run in the other direction when I saw them coming. I think there's a fine line between sharing our faith and being so pushy as to push people away from Christ.

So, where is that line drawn? Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. I believe that we are most effective as Christians when we share OUR "experience, strength, and hope" with others. It is when we focus on what we think the other person should do that we lose our effectiveness.

When I speak of Christ, I can only speak of my relationship with Christ. I cannot speak to yours. I may know what you tell me, but I can't peer into your heart and see what is in there. Only you and God know that. But I can tell you what Christ means to me. I can tell you how I came to know Christ as my Savior and my Lord. I can tell you how Jesus came into my heart, and how He is with me all the time, even when I'm being an idiot and a jerk. I can tell you that I know without every ounce of my being that God loves me, and that He loves you too.

So, when God puts you in a position today to speak, speak of your experience, strength, and hope. Do not be time and fainthearted! Stand up, stand up for Jesus, ye soldiers of the cross! Else, what will you do when the Lord's reckoning comes?

Blessings, Phoenix

September 30, 2010 - Psalm 46:1-3 - Change

"God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though
the earth should change,
though the mountains shake in
the heart of the sea;
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble
with its tumult.
Selah"

The one thing that is unchanging in this world is that everything changes. You can count on it, bet on it, be absolutely certain of it. Everything changes.

Sometimes we welcome the change; sometimes not. But even if the change is one we have wished for, hoped for, or worked hard for, change involves a certain uncertainty. The mighty "what if" rears its ugly head and we start second-guessing our plans, or God's plans for us.

But this passage reminds us to relax. Let it be. God's got it covered. It (whatever "it" is) is in God's hands, in His control. Though the earth itself should change - earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, we have Someone who is our refuge, our strength, our ever present help in times of trouble.

It seems, though, that sometimes that's the only time we seek His face, isn't it? When things are going well we sort of put God on the back burner, don't we? Oh, we may go to church, Evening Prayer, Bible study...and then we go about our business. We pop God in a box and say, "ok, just stay there until I need you, ok?" And then when calamity or change strikes, we grab Him out of the box and say, "Hey, where were you when I needed you?"

So even though this passage talks about turning to God in times of trouble, I submit that we also need to turn to God in times of joy and happiness and contentment. God is in the walk in the park. He's in the quarter found on the sidewalk. He's in the bubble bath, the massage, the chat with a friend. God is in the getting up on time in the morning so you don't have to rush to get to work, but can instead write a bit on one's blog. God is in the purring kitten, the pup cuddled under the covers with you at night, the kiss from a loved one. God is in the smile from a stranger, the stars, the very breath we take. God is.

If your life is in a state of change, as mine is right now, remember that God's got it covered. Do not fear, for though change may come and shake us to our very roots, God is there in the midst of it - our refuge, our strength, our help.

Verse 10 in this psalm reminds us: "Be still, and know that I am God!" Yes, Lord, yes.

Blessings, Phoenix

September 28, 2010 - Psalm 36: 5,6 - Animals

"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your judgments are like the great deep;
you save humans and animals alike, O Lord."

This Sunday is the blessing of the animals at church. I will bring both my dogs. I love this passage, and even though scholars may disagree with its meaning, I take it to mean that God saves animals too.

Yes, I believe animals have souls. How can I look into Jasper's eyes and think there is no soul there? How can I look at Valentino's sweet little face in the morning and believe there is no soul there? No, anyone who has loved an animal, I think, will agree with me. People have people souls. Dogs have dog souls. Cats have cat souls. I don't know...maybe cockroaches have cockroach souls (but I have to wonder about that). I believe that any living creature that God made has a spark of the Divine in them. Every living creature. Man, in our selfish ego, somehow think God belongs to us alone. Does it not make more sense to value each life God created, and not just our own?

I've had many a conversation about whether or not animals go to Heaven. My usual answer is, "Of course! It wouldn't be Heaven without them!" If we believe that our human loved ones are now well and strong and healthy once again in Heaven, why is it such a stretch to believe that the same goes for our non-human loved ones?

Gandhi said:

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way in which its animals are treated.

I hold that the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man.

If you'll allow me a little soap-box time - millions and millions of creatures that God has created are killed each year by the foolishness of man in allowing rampant birth of kittens and puppies that are simply destined for a life of misery before they are killed at some shelter that doesn't have room for them. People who say they want their children to experience the miracle of birth, then need to take them to the local shelter so they can experience the miracle of death as well. If you have a pet that hasn't been spayed or neutered, then do it. It's part of being a responsible pet owner. It is cruel and a great sin to allow a life to be brought into the world if you have no intention of caring for the life God has given you.

So, yes, God saves humans and animals alike, but in this matter He needs our help.

Blessings, Phoenix

September 27, 2010 - Psalm 120:1 - Help

"When I was in trouble, I called to the Lord;
I called to the Lord, and he answered me."

As I turned to the Book of Common Prayer this morning, this was the lead-off passage for today's Morning Prayer reading. In fact, all of the Psalms today speak of God's help in time of trouble.

I love the Psalms. I love that they don't mince words, nor sugar-coat the trials and troubles of mankind. God is not a Candyland god, some old man with a white beard who sits on a throne and gives his children Sugar Daddys to eat. No, God does what is best for us, and sometimes that is difficult to swallow. But He NEVER means us harm, and in this passage we are reminded that He fights for us as well.

When I was going through my most recent troubles, I would lay on my bed and cry, and weep, and wail and pray God to give me what I wanted, even though I knew what I wanted was wrong, wrong, wrong. As my good friend Renae said to me, you can cry all you want, God is not going to honor this, because its wrong and you know its wrong. She was right, of course. If what you want is wrong, or is simply wrong for you, then God will not grant such a prayer.

But today I am reminded that when we call on the Lord in times of real trouble, He is ready, willing and able to come to our defense. He is there to fight along side us, to fight FOR us, if we only let Him.

I've heard it said that my job is to do the footwork; the results are up to God.

First passages from today's Psalms are these:

120 - When I was in trouble, I called to the Lord;
I called to the Lord, and he answered me.

121 - I lift up my eyes to the hills;
from where is my help to come?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth.

122 - I was glad when they said to me,'
"Let us go to the house of the Lord."

123 - To you I lift up my eyes,
to you enthroned in the heavens.

See what I mean? God surrounds us on every side, closer than the air we breathe. He is for us, He is with us, He is in us. Rest in the knowledge that God is there for you; all you need to do is turn to Him. Praise the Lord!

Blessings, Phoenix

September 26, 2010 - Judges 5:3 - Sing!

"Hear, O Kings; give ear, O princes;
to the Lord I will sing.
I will make melody to the Lord,
the God of Israel."

This verse is from the song of Deborah, sung by she and Barak,son of Abinoam, after she pounded a tent peg through her enemy's head as he lay sleeping. Oh dear. I think I would feel better about this verse if it were in one of the Psalms of David, where he sings to the Lord simply because the Lord is good, and mighty is his name!

But no, Deborah has saved her people with deceit, treachery, trickery and murder. And this, apparently, God approves of. It is a conundrum. The God I know values honesty, integrity, and truth. He values mercy and turning the other cheek and going the extra mile. But here, as in other Old Testament places, dishonesty and worse seems to be not only approved of, but rewarded. It is hard for me to reconcile the two.

But today is Sunday, so I shall put the conundrum aside for a moment and concentrate on the verse itself. Which brings me to singing. When we sing in church, are we singing simply to hear ourselves sing? Are we singing ABOUT the Lord? Are we singing TO the Lord? Are we lifting our voice in song with a wonder in our hearts?

Bless the hymn writers of old! Personally, I find much more power in the old hymns than in some of the newer songs where the same verse is simply repeated over and over, as if the songwriter couldn't think of anything else to say, so they just said it again.

Now, Chip, God rest his soul, was not a singer. He was tone deaf and couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. But when it came time to sing in church, he opened his mouth and he sang. Softly, because he knew he couldn't sing, but still he sang. He sang to God, and I don't think God cared that Chip couldn't carry a tune. He looked in Chip's heart, and saw a love of the Lord there, and that was as pleasing, or perhaps more so, than all the best voices of the angels.

So, today, in church or outside of it, I invite you to lift your voices in song to the Lord! Praise His holy Name! Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

Blessings, Phoenix

September 25, 2010 - Matthew 6:34 - Do not worry

"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today."

It seems to me that I come back to this verse a lot. Because I AM a worrier. It is silly, I know. Our lives are in God's hands, and He's got everything all worked out. He knows what is best for us, and if we just LISTEN everything will come out just fine. It's not even the listening part that I have a problem with...it's that, God help me, I do like to be in control.

I've heard it said that worry is simply suffering in advance, usually about things over which we have no control. You see a fire engine up the street and pray, Lord, let it not be my house. Well, such a prayer is useless...if its your house, its your house. Such a prayer changes nothing, except that if its not your house, you can say, thank You, God!

So, what do I worry about? I worry about my daughters, are they well? Are they healthy? How are they doing? I worry about my dogs. How will Valentino take the move? Will Jasper go exploring when we get to a new place and not know how to get back? Will they stay healthy? I worry about my finances. Will I have enough when I retire? What will I do if...if...if...
It's never ending.

But here...I would invite you to dust off your Bibles, turn to this passage, and back up. Back up to verse 25 and start reading there. Can we add one single hour to our life by worrying? No. If anything, we shorten our lives by worrying about things that are beyond our control. Our Heavenly Father knows what we need. He knows about our families, and our finances, and our dogs and our jobs and what we will eat and wear and do. He knows all that stuff. So, why on earth should I take on such worries?

So, today, I will once again try and throw down the burden of worry, and just let God be God. I was never very good at that anyway...

Blessings, Phoenix

September 23, 2010 - 1 Timothy 6:20

"...guard what has been entrusted to you."

In this verse, I don't think Paul is talking so much about worldly possessions as he is about the things that matter. Worldly possessions pass away; they wear out, or cease to be useful, become outdated. We need to guard those things in our life that truly matter - our families, our friends, our loved ones, our pets.

I had a conversation last night with the owner of a no-kill sanctuary in Arizona. I applied for a caretakers position that does not pay a salary, but does provide a rent-free apartment and utilities. One of the things that attracts me is not only the work, but that I can bring my dogs. I told Moe (the owner) that I'd rather sleep in my car under a bridge than take my dogs to a shelter. My dogs will be welcome there. I need to guard that which God has given me; in this case, my dogs.

When our children are small, we guard them too (or should). We need to guard our relationships with our significant others, our relatives, our friends. These are the things that matter in the long run. But mostly, we need to guard our relationship with God, for that matters most of all. Proverbs 4:23 says
"Guard your heart above all else,for it determines the course of your life."

Blessings, Phoenix
posted by Phoenix MaryGrace Hocking @ 8:50 AM 0 comments

September 22, 2010 - Ecclesiasticus 39:12-15 & 32,33 - Praise

From the Apocryphal book of Ecclesiasticus, or the Wisdom of Jesus Son of Sirach:

"I have more on my mind to express;
I am full like the full moon.
Listen to me, my faithful children, and blossom
like a rose growing by a stream of water.
Send out fragrance like incense,
and put forth blossoms like a lily.
Scatter the fragrance, and sing a hymn of praise;
bless the Lord for all His works.
Ascribe majesty to His name
and give thanks to Him with praise,
with songs on your lips, and with harps;
...
So from the beginning I have been convinced of all this
and have thought it out and left it in writing:
All the works of the Lord are good,
and He will supply every need in its time."

Of all the books of the Apocrypha, I think I like Ecclesiasticus the best. There is such comfort there. Wherever I turn, there is reassurance that God is in control, God is in command, and what is required of me is not to battle (for the battle belongs to the Lord), but to praise. What is asked of me is to be like incense, a sweet fragrance to the Lord, a wafting of peace and an emissary of His love.

This passage especially speaks to me because I hate fighting. I hate battling. I hate conflict. I know sometimes all of those things are necessary in this world, but I hate it all the same. I would far rather see the good in people; spread the joy of the Lord wherever I go; be of good cheer and positive energy.

Sometimes it's important to stand up for what one believes in. It is important to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves, especially children and animals. It is important to speak truth to power, even when such truth is unpopular or rejected. God does not call us to be wimps. But even though He does call us to be warriors, in a sense, He does not call us to fight His battles for Him, and I am very aware of the seeming contradiction there.

If you've been following my blog for a while you'll remember this passage from "The Peaceable Kingdom" by Jan de Hartog. It is many years out of print now, but if you can find one in a used book store or at the library, I highly recommend it. Historical fiction, but based on fact, "The Peaceable Kingdom" is the story of how the Quakers got started. The beginning of the book details some of the life of George Fox, yes, but more than that it chronicles the life of Margaret Fell, with whom I identify.

At one point in the book, Margaret Fells' husband, in a desparate attempt to show her where her fascination with the Quakers will lead, takes her on a tour of the worst hell hole in all of England, the dungeons of Lancaster Castle. Children, huddled deep in the bowels of the castle, are particularly disturbing. Margaret runs to Fox, demanding an answer. How can a loving God allow such things to happen?

Fox's answer cuts to the chase, and has stayed in my heart for years. "Stop crying for proof of God's love! Prove it thyself! How else dost thou think He can manifest His love? Through nature? Through the trees, the clouds,the beasts in the field,the stars? No, only through beings capable of doing so: ourselves. In the case of those children in the cage, about to be hanged, it is thou He touched. All He has to reach those children is thee!"

So, yes, God calls us to fight a worldly fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. But he also calls us to be like His incense, spreading His love to all we meet. For in the end,
"All the works of the Lord are good, and He will supply every need in its time."

Blessings, Phoenix

September 21, 2010 - Ecclesiastes 3:1 - Time

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven..."

Sometimes we think the times we are in are the only ones we're ever going to have. If we are riding high on the hog, well, it will always be this way - nothing can stop us now! And if we are scraping the bottom of the barrel, we can't even see daylight for the muck about us, or in us.

But the truth is that not much lasts forever. Relationships bud, grow, grow old, get stale, end. Finances wax and wane. Friendships flourish, or go south. It helps to remember that whatever you are going through right now, God has something else in mind.

Ok, so where am I going with this? God does not want us to stagnate. He doesn't want us to be too comfortable right where we are. How can we grow if we see the same four walls? Do the same thing forever and amen? Associate with the same people; go to the same places? What growth is there in that?

Of course, this is coming from a woman is a nomad at heart and always has been. As soon as I get comfortable in a place, I want to go somewhere else. As soon as I learn a job really well, I want to do something else. About the only thing this doesn't apply to in my life are my friends, because once I'm your friend, I'm your friend forever, unless something drastic happens to change that.

So, if you are in a season of change, like I am right now, just go with it. Put God in the driver's seat and see where He takes you. That's what I plan to do!

Blessings, Phoenix

September 20, 2010 - Jeremiah 15:19-21 - Redemption

"Therefore thus says the Lord;
If you turn back, I will take you back,
and you shall stand before me.
If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless,
you shall serve as my mouth.
It is they who will turn to you,
not you who will turn to them.
And I will make you to this people
a fortified wall of bronze;
they will fight against you,
but they shall not prevail over you,
for I am with you to save you and deliver you,
says the Lord.
I will deliver you out of the hand of the wicked,
and redeem you from the grasp of the ruthless."

It is good to know that God is there to save us. In this passage He is talking about outside forces, but the same goes for our inward folly as well.

What I notice is that God doesn't just swoop out of the sky and grasp us like an eagle in His talons and carry us away from danger and sin and idiocy. No, we have to do something first. We have to turn back to Him. We have to utter precious words, not only with our lips, but in our lives. And even before that happens, we have to acknowledge to ourselves that we are lost. Lost, frightened, alone, and beset by dangers all around.

Enemies we thought were friends hang onto our hearts and sit in our heads when we would rather they be gone. Situations out of our control swirl about us like so many dust devils, not as devastating as a tornado, but enough to kick up enough dust so that it makes it difficult to see clearly.

Then, we turn to God, we turn to Christ, and He is always there. Always closer than the air inside our lungs. Closer than the heart that beats inside our chests. He blesses us, and opens His arms wide, and welcomes us in.

It is humbling to know that God finds me worthy enough to fight for, especially when I don't feel particularly worthy (or not worthy at all). Exodus 14:14 says: "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still." And isn't that one difficult? Since we were children we've been told we have to fight our own battles. We fight against bullies, and injustice and ourselves with a ruthless passion, and yes, sometimes our flesh needs to do that. But when it comes to our souls, our spirits, it is good to know that God Himself is in our corner. There is a passage that I cannot seem to find this morning, in the Old Testament, where deliverance is delayed because an angel was busy fighting for the person in question. (If you know where this is, would you let me know? It's going to drive me nuts until I find it...)

So, this morning, I just take heart in knowing that if God is for me, who can be against me? The dust devils that plague me are nothing against God's love for me. And when the dust clouds my vision, I know there is One who sees all things clearly, and I have only to trust in Him, and all will be well.

Blessings, Phoenix

September 19, 2010 - Psalm 84:10 - Doorkeeper

"For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than live in the tents of wickedness."

The Doorkeeper’s Lament

By

Phoenix MaryGrace Hocking


Narrow the door is, like the eye of a needle, and few there are that find it, no matter how lustily I call and wave my arms. I can shout or I can whisper, it makes no difference. The world passes by unseeing, unknowing, not wanting what lies on the other side.
It’s not that the door is all that difficult to find. It’s right here in plain sight. It stands on every street corner, in every church, in every bar, in every bedroom. It stands high on the hills, and down in the gutters. The door stands open, ready, waiting. And I stand at the door, calling, calling, calling.
No, the door is not difficult to find. It’s just that there are other doors so much more attractive, more numerous, not to mention wider. Doors surrounded by bright lights and neon signs, doors that promise wealth and success, pleasure and ease, even doors that promise service in the great army of God. The wide paths leading to these wide doors are bordered with flowers and beautiful statuary.
Ah, but the path that leads to this door, well, that’s another story. This path is rocky and flanked with thorn bushes. It is a lonely path, a path meant for single-file, unlike the wide paths that lead to wide doors that swallow whole groups of souls with barely a burp.
No, this path is so narrow it requires those who walk it to leave everything behind, possessions and people alike. And what modern person in his right mind would willingly choose such a path, when others stand beckoning on either side for miles around? Why, a camel with its pack could not enter this door; only a single soul, naked and bare may enter, and who wants that?
Some find the door in their youth and walk right in. For others, the search takes a lifetime and some only find it at the very last second. Either way, the door stands open and ready to receive; all that is required is acceptance of the Gift offered.
Ah, but sometimes it seems a lonely job, this, but not a thankless one. For occasionally, someone hears my call. Someone stops his mad rush towards the wider door and pauses to listen. This someone listens for that still, small voice, the voice that says, “Come. Come unto Me. Come.” And that someone turns and, ignoring the gaping maws that promise success and pleasure, this person chooses the rocky path, the narrow path, the thorny path.
You see, as Doorkeeper, I know what is on the Other Side of the door, both this door and the others. Wide are the paths that lead to the wide doors that lead to emptiness. Attractive and pleasant and beautiful are they, until you get inside and find all is darkness.
The good news is that those doors swing both ways. Some who enter discover that all that glitters definitely is not gold, and somehow manage to find their way back out again. It happens; it happens. Not often enough to suit me, but it happens.
Sometimes they choose another wide door, and another, and another, until finally, exhausted and empty, they sit at the roadside and cry.
And their Father hears their cry; He always does. He hears and He answers, and He shows them the narrow path that leads to the narrow door. And sometimes, sometimes, they hear and they listen and they follow.
It’s a rocky path, flanked with thorn bushes, and sometimes a person starts on the path and gives up. They turn around and go back to the wide doors, the easy paths. And then I cry, because if they had only continued on, they would have found the door that leads to Life.
And sometimes, oh sometimes, a person picks his way along the rocky path, and braves the thorns and suffers through the scrapes and bruises and pains until he or she stands before the narrow door, naked and bleeding and empty.
That is when my job as Doorkeeper becomes a position of pure and utter joy. For then I can wrap this weary soul in a robe, white as snow, and put My arm around him, or her, and say, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord.”
Blessings, Phoenix

September 18, 2010 - Sirach 37:12-15 - Counsel

From the Apocryphal book of Sirach, also known as the book of Ecclesiasticus:

"But associate with a godly person whom you know to be a keeper of the commandments,
who is like-minded like yourself, and who will grieve with you if you fail.
And heed the counsel of your own heart, for no one is more faithful to you than it is.
For your own mind sometimes keeps us better informed than seven sentinels sitting high on a watchtower.
But above all pray to the Most high that He may direct your way in truth."

The wisdom and truth of this strikes home for me. For the first part, godly people will warn you when you are about to make a horrible mistake. A godly person will tell you the truth, even when you don't want to hear it. Maybe especially when you don't want to hear it. A godly person will risk losing you as a friend in order to save your soul. I thank God for those godly friends who told me what I needed to hear, even when their words seem to fall on deaf ears, because of my own hard-heartedness, my own stiff-necked pride, my own self-deception. I thank God for those who said..."LOOK! A cliff! And you're about to fall over!" Even when I paid no attention, my spirit was listening, my spirit heard and understood and wept over my disobedience.

My own heart gave me good counsel. It did. I just chose to ignore it. I saw what I wanted to see. I heard what I wanted to hear. I did what I wanted to do. And I paid a high, high price.

"But above all pray to the Most High that He may direct your way in truth." In the end, this is where mercy is found, in the arms of a loving God who knows the disobedience of one's heart, the deception of one's own mind, and the sin of pride we carry...and loves us anyway. All He asks is that we come to Him in true repentance, for His arms are open, and He will forgive and forget.

I am forgiven, but I have to confess that the forgetting part is hard for me. I am human, after all, and the memories still come, and they cause me much pain. I can't make them go away. I feel stuck, and it is difficult to move on. But each day I am further away from the source of my pain, it gets a little easier. I hope, when next some other issue comes to the front, I am able to accept the counsel of godly people in my life. I hope I can hear and heed the counsel of my own heart. And I pray that I will listen to my God, who only gives me counsel based on truth, and love, and mercy.

Blessings, Phoenix

September 17, 2010 - Hebrews 12:12,13 - Courage

"Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed."

God is not a marionette master. He will not lift our drooping hands for us. We need to find, somewhere deep in our spirits, the will to lift our hands and reach for help. When one is sunk in the mire, usually of our own doing, it is not easy to put out a hand and ask for help. Reaching the bottom of our misery is the first step towards climbing out of the pit.

I find it interesting that the first step towards standing upright is to fall to our knees first. Isn't that what happens when we are babies? We don't usually just stand up and start walking. No, we have to crawl first, or scoot on our bellies. Then we find a sturdy table or chair or person, and hoist ourselves up. Then we take those first little steps, and before you know it, we're off and running and forget how to crawl.

I think maybe it's that way in our spiritual life too. I think maybe we get cocky. We're solid Bible readers. We attend church every Sunday. We go to Evening Prayer, or Bible study. We may give alms to the homeless guy on the corner, or serve at the soup kitchen and feel pretty darn good about ourselves. But somewhere in there, we forget how to crawl. We forget to go back to the beginning. We find ourselves stuck in the mire and wonder just how in the heck we got there, and we have to put out our own drooping hands and reach for help. We have to drop to our knees so that we can rise again with new determination. We have to realize that what is lame cannot be healed unless we recognize that we have become lame.

The good news is that no matter how far down in the pit we have fallen, God is right there, with His hand out, just waiting for us to lift our dropping hands and grasp His. If God has seemed very far away, it is not because He has moved, but because we have put blinders on our own eyes and refused to see that He is closer than the skin that covers our innards.

So, today, if you are in the bottom of the pit, open your eyes and see that God is waiting for you to reach out your hand. God is waiting to help you see the straight path before you. God is wanting to heal your lameness and make you whole once more.

Blessings, Phoenix

September 16, 2010 - Hebrews 12:5 - Discipline

"My child, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
or lose heart when you are punished by him;
for the Lord disciplines those whom He loves,
and chastises every child whom He accepts."

Quite frankly, discipline is not something I'm all that great at. I chafe at rules, cannot stand to be boxed in, am claustrophobic in more ways than one. So when Fr. Rob suggested that discipline might me something I would want to work on, I groaned inwardly.

For a while, you remember, I was quite disciplined about adding to this website. I would get up in the morning, and find a Bible passage that spoke to me, and then write about it. It was fulfilling, and helped me to think and focus on God every day.

But I strayed, my friends. I strayed badly. And it is only through the discipline and love of the Lord that I have found my way back to the path. There is a song on Christian radio that speaks to my condition (as the Quakers say). "When your tired flesh has squandered what your spirit would have saved, and your restless feet have wandered far from all you truly crave, turn and run toward your Father; do not wait another day. For His arms are open and He is calling you today."

My friends, do not chafe under the discipline of God. True repentance comes from feeling in your heart that the greatest sin is wandering away from God, from His love, from His commandments, from His care, from His mercy. The greatest sin is refusing to reach for the only Hand that can save you.

It is not too late. If you have wandered far from God, turn today. Do not shun His discipline, for with the discipline is love, and tenderness and mercy. Do not wait another day.

Love and Blessings, Phoenix (who is back to being Phoenix again...older, wiser (I hope), and most of all, forgiven.)

June 9, 2010 - Psalm 19:14

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

We say it in church all the time. I pray it myself. And while I generally have a fairly decent hold on the words of my mouth (with a few notable exceptions...well, maybe more than a few), but the meditations of my heart are another matter entirely.

Well, maybe I should start with the words of my mouth. I've heard it said that one should always keep one's words sweet, because you never know when you're going to have to eat them. How true! One of my major failings is that I speak first and think later. Open mouth, insert foot. And it's not always my mouth that's doing the talking...it's what I write that gets me into trouble.

I'm a great fan of "free writing." Do you know what that is? That's where you just simply sit with pen and paper, and if it comes into your head, it goes down on the paper, no matter how silly, stupid, or nonsensical it sounds. Eventually, after the random thoughts play themselves out, you get down to what is the crux of the matter. It's a great tool.

Unfortunately, I sometimes pop those things down, especially on the computer, and hit the "send" button, and then everybody in God's green earth knows what an utter jerk I am. I need to spend more time minding my own business, and less time minding somebody else's.

And then there's the whole "meditations of my heart" thing. Sometimes the meditations of my heart are not the most pure and noble. I can be judgmental, crabby, and downright mean. It's hard to shut my brain off sometimes; makes it hard to sleep.

There's a passage in the New Testament - 2 Corinthians - "...we take every thought captive to obey Christ." How does one learn to take their thoughts captive? Thoughts just come, unbidden mostly...they just are; they just happen. And once thought, you can't unthink something. So how do you take your thoughts captive?

What occurs to me is that taking your thoughts captive, which is an internal activity, has to start with external activity. What I mean by that is this...if I am focusing on how the world is going to hell in a handbasket, then my thoughts are going to go there. They're going to see the negative in the world around me. If I watch "Nancy Grace" and "Cops" and any of those other true crime shows, isn't that where my thoughts are going to go?

But if I focus on the pure, the good, the holy, then are my thoughts naturally going to go there instead? If I watch Disney, Jesse Duplantis, Touched by an Angel...won't my thoughts go in that direction?

So, by taking my thoughts captive, and focusing on the clean, the pure, the holy, then the words of my mouth AND the meditations of my heart are more likely to be acceptable to God.

Please Lord, make it so! phx

May 30, 2010 - John 1:29 "Sin"

I've said the prayers many times. The Gloria says, "Lord God, Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world; have mercy on us..." John 1:29, John the baptist: "The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him and declared, 'Here is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!"

Sin, singular. Not Sins, plural.

So, that's been rolling around in my head all day. I tend to think of sins, plural. Big sins, small sins, little "white lies." Murder and molestation, big sins. Driving over the speed limit, small sins. Telling someone their new dress looks nice when it really makes them look like a Polish sausage, maybe a medium sin. But still sins, plural. Twelve-step programs call them "character defects" sometimes. Personality quirks. Errors in judgement. Wrong-doing. Mistakes. Bad-tempered. Crooked. Sins, plural.

So what is sin...singular? Perhaps there is really only one sin. In all the world, maybe there is really only one. Only one that counts. Perhaps the one Sin is the refusal to acknowledge God as Sovereign Lord. Once God is acknowledged as Lord of all...well, all the other stuff doesn't just disappear, though, does it? One can acknowledge God as Lord and Savior, and still drive over the speed limit and cheat on their income taxes.

Lamb of God, You take away the Sin of the world. Singular. Obviously, the sins of the world are still with us. Even with those who love God, love Christ, we remain sinful creatures, prone to fall into sin as soon as the confession of sin is out of our mouths. Our minds wander during prayer, we definitely do not love our neighbors as ourselves. So what we call sin has not been taken away at all. So, exactly what "sin" (singular) has Christ taken away?

If the Sin that Christ took away is not what we ordinarily think of as sin, then what was it? And...and perhaps this is even bigger...He took away not just my sin and your sin, but the Sin of the whole world! He took away the sin of the people who love Him, and the sin of the people who never heard of Him. It says "the world," right?

Roman Catholics have this notion of "original sin." Now, I'm not Catholic, so I may get this wrong, but I think what this means is that because of the Fall of Adam and Eve, the rest of mankind is cursed with a sin nature. Well, we've still got it, so that can't be it either.

What Sin, exactly, did Christ take away? OR...maybe taking away the Sin was not a one-shot deal. Woah...hang on to your horses now...I speak not the blasphemy. Hear me out. Christ's sacrifice on the cross was one perfect sacrifice, totally sufficient for our salvation. But because man's sinful nature is still with us, perhaps every time we acknowledge our sin and turn away from it, Christ takes it away...again. And again... And again. Because we are sinful creatures, and fall into sin again and again and again (come on, you know its true...), Christ is there to pick us up, dust us off, and forgive us again. He takes away our Sin again.

Paul, in another passage, says that even though Christ continues to forgive us our shortcomings (or sins, plural), that does not give us leave to just keep sinning and sinning and sinning, because "Oh well, Christ will forgive me anyway." By no means! When we realize the ultimate sacrifice behind the forgiveness, we should approach His forgiveness with truly thankful hearts, grateful and humble and free.

Lamb of God, You take away the Sin of the world. Have mercy on us. Have mercy on us who try our best to understand Your Word, even if we get it wrong. Have mercy on us when we just don't understand. Have mercy on us who continue to fall into sin, despite our best intentions. Have mercy on us when we stumble and fall and despair that we'll ever "get it right." Have mercy on us when we do things we know we ought not to do, and don't do the things we know we should do. Have mercy on us when we forget You. Have mercy, Lord, have mercy. Take away my sins, plural, Lord, and my Sin, singular. Have mercy.

May 24, 2010 - Matthew 12:36,37

Jesus says: "I tell you, on the day of judgment you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

Ouch. That's harsh. How many careless words do I utter just in the course of a single day? Horsing around at work, chatting with friends, voicing my oh-so-important opinion on the state of the world, or politics, or the latest gossip about some Hollywood type or other. If all I ever spoke were words of wisdom and truth and encouragement...well, I guess I'd be quiet most of the time.

And maybe that's the point. I suppose God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason - maybe so that we could listen twice as much as we talk!

What would it be like, just for today, if I watched every word that came out of my mouth? What if I made sure that the only things I said were words of truth, and love, and encouragement? What is all that I said honored God in some way? How would my day go?

Maybe I'll try and find out. Though, I suspect, it's a lot easier said than done. How about you?

May 2, 2010 - Genesis 2:18, 21-23

"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner. The Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man's ribs, and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God formed a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and brought her to him. The man siad, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, for she was taken out of Man.'"

Woman was made of a rib out of the side of Man.
She was not created from Man's head to rule over him,
nor from his feet to be trampled upon by him.
Indeed, woman was taken from his side, to be equal with him;
under his arm, to be protected;
and near his heart, to be loved.

God ordained that man (and woman) should have a helper in their lives. I figure He knew what He was doing. It's not easy to be alone, especially when one has shared one's life with someone else for many years.

All throughout the Bible, God talks about our interconnectedness with others. We are not meant to be hermits. We are meant for relationship with one another. We are meant to share our lives, share our stories, share our every days with someone else.

I have heard other widows say, "I don't NEED a man in my life." I get that. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you. But there is something missing. Perhaps its a sense of "belonging." A sense that one matters to another human being in a way that is special.

How does it start? With friendship. A person can never have too many friends, I figure. And if that friendship leads somewhere...well, that's in God's hands. All I know is that I'm open to whatever friends God wants to put in my life.

All I ask, Lord, is that You lead me, guide me, take my hand and protect me. Let me be a friend to those who need a friend. Let me be open to whatever You have planned for me at this stage of my life. In all my dealings with people, be they family, friends, co-workers or total strangers, Lord, let me be open, honest, and direct. Keep me pure, Lord, and keep my integrity intact. Let me reflect YOUR love to all whom You place in my path. Let me be open to YOU. I pray this in Jesus' name, Lord. Amen.

April 13, 2010 - "Julie and Julia"

Perhaps you've seen the movie "Julie and Julia," an interwoven story of a New York woman who cooks her way through Julia Child's masterpiece "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." Meryl Streep plays Julia, and who doesn't love Meryl Streep?

Well, being temporarily without the book I was currently reading over the weekend, I went to the bookstore and bought the book. I like how Julie Powell writes - all slash and dash and pick up the pieces later. She doesn't slide fancy words together like pearls on a string, but flings them across the page like so many marbles, round and smooth and shiny. However, if you are easily offended by the "f" word, then Julie Powell's earthy tome is not for you. If you can get past her language and oft times risque subject matter, then the book is a gem of real life in the real world.

So, what in the world does "Julie and Julia" have do to with "Reading The Bible 2010?"

Just this: In some respects, isn't the Bible the same? The Bible is full of lust and adultery, murder and deceit, mankind screwing up over and over and over again. If the "f" word offends you, then the passage in Psalms where we are told, "Happy shall they be who take your little ones and dash them against the rock!" (Psalm 137:9) ought to make you pause. Just what kind of book is this anyway?

I think the Bible speaks to us because it IS earthy, it DOES "speak to our condition," and, God help us, it IS our story. We can be a vengeful and outrageous people, and sometimes I wonder why on earth God puts up with us. If the vast majority of the stories in the Bible are those of greed and envy and sloth and whatever the other deadly sins are, why do we consider it the holiest of books? Why is the Bible the book we turn to when we need comfort and solace? Why has the Bible, in all its forms, last for thousands of years?

Just this - every time we screw up, God is there to catch us. Every time we fall from grace (for most of us, that's probably on a daily basis) God is there with His arms open. Every time we acknowledge our faults and our sin and our shortcomings, God is there to say, "It's okay, I love you, now go and don't do it again, y'hear?" If the story of man is that of violence and dispair, then the story of God gives us hope, because even at His most vengeful, God has our best interests at heart. We live because He wants us to. And sometimes, maybe that's enough. I read somewhere that children are God's opinion that mankind should continue. And if I'm alive today, it's because He has a plan for my life.

So be it. Amen and amen!

April 11, 2010 - John 20:24,25 "Doubting Thomas"

Here's the "backstory:" Jesus was crucified, died and was buried. He rose from the dead on the third day. He was seen by the women and also by some of the apostles. "But Thomas, (who was called the Twin) one of twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe."

Poor Thomas. He kind of gets the short end of the stick, doesn't he? I figure Thomas must have been from Missouri (the "Show Me" state)! I have to tell you that I identify with Thomas...a lot. I too, while not exactly doubting, had to be shown the Lord before I became a believer. For some of you, the following account of how I came to Christ may be something you've already heard. For others, it will be new.

This is what happened:

On May 16, 1996, my life changed forever.
I had a dream, and in my dream I was standing on a hillside, green and lush and beautiful. There were animals of every description, giraffes and lions and lambs and dogs and cats, just every living creature known to man was there, all peacefully being together. In the distance, I could see a man that I knew was Jesus. He was dressed in a white garment, and had sandals on His feet. He was making His way towards me, but would stop to talk to other people along the way. And as He spoke with them, their expressions would just be filled with light. In my dream, I knew He was saving me for last, and when He finally came to me, He put His arm around me and looked deep into my eyes. There was such love and acceptance and joy in those eyes. He saw everything there was to know about me, all the horrible things that had happened to me, and all the lousy things I’d done in my life. And He loved me anyway. Then He asked, “Will you follow Me?” And I said, “Yes! I will follow You anywhere!” I remember we talked for a while afterwards, but my conscious mind doesn’t recall what was said. I believe my soul knows exactly what was said, and it shines in my heart to this day. All I knew when I woke up was that Jesus was REAL, and that threw everything I thought I knew about God into utter turmoil.


It's been a journey since then - a journey of ups and downs and wonderings and questions and lots and lots of prayer. How many of us, I wonder, know about Jesus, we worship Him in church, sing songs to and about Him, praise Him even...but do we really KNOW Him? Has Jesus looked into your eyes and said "Follow Me?" Maybe that's what needs to happen before we can truly say we are a Christian. I'm not suggesting everyone needs an experience such as mine. I think I was so far gone, He had to come get me Himself. Maybe its that way for all of us. In whatever way He came for you, did you say "yes?"

So I say, let's ease up on Thomas....perhaps he's not so different from you and me after all.

April 4, 2010 - Christ is Risen!

From "The Message" - John, chapter 20

"Early in the morning on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone was moved away from the entrance. She ran at once to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, breathlessly panting, "They took the Master from the tomb. We don't know where they've put him."

"Peter and the other disciple left immediately for the tomb. They ran, neck and neck. The other disciple got to the tomb first, outrunning Peter. Stooping to look in, he saw the pieces of linen cloth lying there, but he didn't go in. Simon Peter arrived after him, entered the tomb, observed the linen cloths lying there, and the kerchief used to cover his head not lying with the linen cloths but separate, neatly folded by itself. Then the other disciple, the one who had gotten there first, went into the tomb, took one look at the evidence, and believed. No one yet knew from the Scripture that he had to rise from the dead. The disciples then went back home.

But Mary stood outside the tomb weeping. As she wept, she knelt to look into the tomb and saw two angels sittting ther, dressed in white, one at the head, the other at the foot of where Jesus' body had been laid. They said to her, "Woman, why do you weep?"

"They took my Master," she said, "and I don't know here they put him." After she said this, she turned away and saw Jesus standing there. But she didn't recognize him.

Jesus spoke to her, "Woman, why do you weep? Who are you looking for?"

She, thinking that was the gardener, said, "Mister, if you took him, tell me where you put him so I can care for him."

Jesus said, "Mary."

Turning to face him, she said in Hebrew, "Rabboni!" meaning "Teacher!"

Jesus said, "Don't cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go to my brothers and tell them, "I ascend to my Faither and your Father, my God and your God."

Mary Magdalene went, telling the news to the disciple: "I saw the Master!" And she told them everything he said to her."

The Word of the Lord.

I love the story of Christ's Resurrection! Out of dispair and hopelessness comes the ultimate gift. So much has been written on the Resurrection by people more knowledgeable theologically than I, so I won't even try to compete with those more learned than I. I can only share, as the twelve-step programs say, my "experience, strength, and hope."

Before I met Christ, I mean really met Him, I was lost. I was searching. I had made my own religion, but something was missing. Oh, I knew about Jesus, of course, but I didn't know
Him. Then Jesus came to me in a dream, and my life was transformed. I once was dead, and now I live!

I do find it interesting that Mary didn't recogize Jesus, whom she had spent so much time with, until He called her name after His sacrifice. Me, too. Maybe it's that way with all believers. When Jesus has called your name, and you recognize Him for Who He IS, your life changes forever.

So, on this Easter Sunday, I give praise and honor and glory to the One who pulled me out of the muck and mire, dispair and hopelessness of my human existance, and lifted me on my feet, and instilled in me a Living Hope, and the gift of true Life.

Christ is Risen! Christ is risen, indeed! Hallelujah!!!

April 3, 2010 - Holy Saturday

In the cycle of the church calendar, today is called Holy Saturday. It is that waiting time between Christ's crucifixion and His Resurrection. It is in this "in-between" place where many of us live our lives.

Holy Week begins with Palm Sunday, Christ's triumphant entry into Jerusalem. It is a day of hope, of expectation, of "finally, something is happening!" But Jesus makes enemies, doesn't He?

So, on Maundy Thursday, we celebrate the Last Supper, and in some traditions (including my own), the service includes a ritual foot-washing. Maundy is the first word of the phrase "Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos" ("A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you"), the statement by Jesus in the Gospel of John (13:34) by which Jesus explained to the Apostles the significance of his action of washing their feet.

Jesus is betrayed by one of His own diciples, Judas Iscariot. He is beaten, mocked, tortured, and finally crucified, a barbaric, painful, lengthy process.

Now, Jesus' body was not left to hang for days, as was sometimes the case. His body was removed from the cross and laid in a tomb that had never yet been used. It was before the Passover, so what preperation was done the body was not completed. The women took note of where He lay, and made plans to return to finish the job of anointing His body for the grave.

Which bring us to Holy Saturday. A day of "in-between." A day of dispair, and in the case of Jesus' followers, not even a day of waiting. Even though Jesus told them He would be raised on the third day, I don't think they "got it." This wasn't a day of waiting for the Resurrection for them; it was a day of mourning and of fear. It was a day of hiding out, jumping at every sudden sound, waiting for the authorities to come after them too.

What great courage it must have taken for the women to leave the relative safety of the hideout in order to go to the graveyard that Easter morning! What courage! They knew they could have been arrested anytime, and perhaps share in Jesus' fate, but they went anyway. What bravery!

But, for us, today is a waiting day. A day of waiting for Easter. A day of waiting for Resurrection. A day of "finally! He's back!"

In the church, Holy Saturday is the day in which "Christ decended to the dead." There is much speculation about what He actually DID. Maybe, just to humanize things a little, He went Home and said, "Hey, Dad, I'm finished." But....He wasn't finished. When He said, "It is finished" on the cross, He didn't mean the entire task was finished, only that portion of it. There was still a lot left to do. Including decending to the dead. But the greatest task, from our worldly point of view, was the Resurrection. But...that's tomorrow. Today we are still in Holy Saturday. Today we wait.

I said in the beginning that for many of us, this is where we live our lives. No longer in an excruciatingly painful place, but not yet having realized the joy of our own lives resurrection, we are in that place where we simply have to wait. Holy Saturday is a long day.

And yet, and yet...for us who carry in our hearts the Joy of Resurrections known, it is a day of hopeful waiting, of joyful waiting perhaps. It is a day when we know a better day is coming. It is a day when we can have faith in knowing that "Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again." Hallelujah!

May you have a blessed and restful day of waiting, and a joyous Easter tomorrow!

March 30, 2010 - Job 12:7-12 "Talk to the animals"

"But ask the animals, and they will teach you;
the birds of the air, and they will tell you;
ask the plants of the earth, and they will teach you;
and the fish of the sea will declare to you.
Who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this?
In his hand is the life of every living thing,
and the breath of every human being.
Does not the ear test words as the palate tastes food?
is wisdom with the aged, and understanding in length of days?"

I learn so much from the four-legged creatures who share my home. Jasper is a Beagle/Jack Russell male, and Valentino is a Chihuahua/terrier mix. They couldn't be more different, but they are alike in one thing - they both think I'm the greatest thing since chicken. (I would have said kibble, but they like chicken better!)

Jasper is a very patient dog. He's older now, about 8 years old, and starting to slow down just a touch. He puts up with Valentino, who is only a little over a year and so has LOTS of energy. They will play together, but sometimes Jasper will just stand still and let Valentino run all around him. Tino will just pester and pester and pester until Jasper either gives in and plays, or else lets him know in no uncertain terms he's not interested. Both dogs know exactly where they stand with each other at all times.

Both Jasper and Tino are lovers with people and doggie friends they know. Tino likes to cuddle at night; Jasper usually comes and joins us in bed about 2:00 in the morning, bless his heart. They are absolutely loyal and loving creatures and ask nothing more than a little food, a little water, a yard to play and do their business in, and a whole lot of love. Their needs and wants are so simple. I can learn a lot from them, about life.

The Bible tells us not to worry about tomorrow - tomorrow will take care of itself, and when I look at my dogs, I know they take that to heart. They don't know what tomorrow will bring, and they don't care. All they care about is now. Whether its being curled up on the couch or in my lap, or at dinner time, or just hanging out on the front porch, all there is is NOW.

Of course, their lives would be different if somebody wasn't taking care of future needs. I go to work, pay the bills, keep food on the table and in the bowls on the floor. And they're perfectly content for it to be so.

Am I so different? Do I rely one hundred percent on the bounty of my Master? Do I trust Him to take care of me? Do I allow myself to rest completely in His arms? Do I curl up with Him at the end of the day, knowing that just being with Him is enough for me?

Thank You, Lord, for the blessing of my critters. I would have more, if I could, but these two are enough. Thank You for their love and their companionship and their loyalty. I am so very blessed...thank You, Lord.

March 22, 2010 - Mark 1:35,36 "He prayed"

"In the morning, while it was still dark, He got up and went out to a deserted place, and there He prayed. And Simon and his companions hunted for him."

Sigh...is there no rest? Since Jesus walked out of His mother's door, He's been busy. He's turned water into wine at a wedding, healed innumerable people, raised people from the dead, preached and taught and walked and blessed and preached and taught and blessed and walked some more. He had to have been tired.

I've noticed that Jesus prays a lot. In my early days as a Christian, I questioned that. If Jesus was God, why would He need to pray to Himself? It made no sense. But in His earthly visit to this world, Jesus was just as fully man as He was God. It's the explanation, but I confess it's still hard to wrap my head around. The whole concept of the Trinity is one I find more than difficult to explain to people.

But I surely do understand His need for rest. So much to do, and so little time to do it. But it does make we wonder about myself. I often feel overwhelmed with all the things I need to do, just to keep my head above water. I get tired and cranky, and resting seems like something other people might have time for, but I surely don't. And yet, and yet... if even Jesus made time for rest; if even Jesus made time to pray, with all that was on HIS plate, surely I can do the same.

Writing this blog, for me, is prayer. It gives me the opportunity to look into the Bible, think about things, let God speak to me. Sometimes...often times!...there is a lot I don't understand, but the very act of reading God's word is restful. There is something intensely calming about God's word, even when the word is violent, as it often is. In one respect though, Jesus had it easier than I. His culture, His religion as an observant Jew, required Him to take a day of rest. For Him it wasn't like He could pick and choose. A day of rest is just what you did every Sabbath, and that is one thing that seems to have dropped by the wayside. And yet, if Jesus could do that...if He could take one day out of seven to rest, why can't I?

March 15, 2010 - 1 Peter 4:7-11

"...therefore be serious and discipline yourselves for the sake of your prayers. Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Like good stewards of the manifold grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received. Whoever speaks must do so as one speaking the very words of God; whoever serves must do so with the strength that God supplies, so that God may be glorified in all things through Jesus Christ. To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen."

There comes a point when simply showing up for church on Sunday is not enough. For me, that point comes and goes. Sometimes it's all I can do to drag myself there, and other times I can't get enough. A lot depends on my life circumstances at the time.

I didn't attend church much when my husband was sick, especially towards the end. I don't do well in a large church. Nobody really cares if you're there or not and they have all the help they need. A small church is a better fit for me. I feel useful and wanted, more like part of the family instead of a "check-with-face-attached."

This passage from 1 Peter speaks to that for me. "Serve one another with whatever gift each of you have received." God has gifted me in many areas. I can rub two words together and make a pretty good story. I can read aloud clearly and with appropriate volume. I can listen. I can pray. I can serve.

Now, the next part is a little more difficult. "Whoever speaks must do so as one speaking the very words of God..." Yikes! Trust me, not everything that comes out of my mouth are words that God would speak! But...I do try. I've been dealing with an issue lately that made me just want to go and vent to a co-worker. But before I did, I remembered that acronym that I talked about before. T-H-I-N-K. Was it Truthful? Helpful? Inspiring? Necessary? Kind? My issue passed the "T", but pretty much failed the other 4. So, I decided to button my lip and let it pass. (Thank you, Mary Welchel of the Christian Working Woman radio show, for that.)

So today, it looks like I have kind of a tall order on my plate. Be of service, speak the words of God, glorify Christ. Be hospitable. Don't complain. Love. I can in no way do any of these things on my own, but I know that God will supply all the strength I need when the need arises. Thank You, Lord, for all the blessings You've placed in my life. Thank You for the opportunity to be of service. Thank You for my health, for the ability to see and think and feel and enjoy Your creation. Thank You for my jobs (all of them!). Thank You, Lord, for the gift of Your precious Son, Who makes all things new...even me.

Blessings to you, my dear readers. May God bless your day today!

March 10, 2010 - Philippians 2:3-5 "Humility"

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus."

It always amazes me that when I go to the Bible to write something for this blog God always manages to hit me right where I live. Been going through a rough patch lately (details of which are not important)and discovered that one of my (many!) character defects is that I have a tough time letting go.

Real or perceived wrongs or slights or injustices hang around my neck and weigh me down. I come back to them over and over again, worry them like a tongue worries a bad tooth. I give them over to God, only to snatch them back and worry some more. Why on earth do I do that? How silly!

I definitely do not consider myself a humble person. Nope. Way too much pride in this girl. I can be very selfish, and want my own way, and obsess over the issue if I think I've been treated unfairly. Letting it go, and letting God work is something I need to work on.

I tend to worry things to death, and play things over and over in my mind, bury the issue only to exhume it later and worry it some more. So, yesterday, on my afternoon walk, I made a stab at letting stuff go. I mean, really letting it go. It came to me that all this drama is just stuff, just life, just one more day in the life of Phoenix Hocking. It's not eternally important. It's not important now; it won't be important later. And if it doesn't count where it counts, namely for eternity, then there's no need to let any issue waste my time and energy.

So, today (and probably every day!) I plan to make a concerted effort to let things go, and let God work. How about you?

March 8, 2010 - Psalms 92:1-4 "Morning"

"It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
to sing praises to Your name, O Most High;
to declare Your steadfast love in the morning,
and Your faithfulness by night,
to the music of the lute and the harp,
to the melody of the lyre.
For You, O Lord, have me glad by your work,
at the works of Your hands I sing for joy."

I love mornings. I didn't use to be a morning person; I would far rather have slept in than get up. But now, mornings are special. It's a new day, without too many mistakes in it yet. It's quiet and peaceful. Even on days where I know I'm going to be busy, I have a few minutes to sit and drink my coffee and open my Bible and see what God has to say to me today.

When the weather gets nicer (still too cold for me!), I like to sit out on the front porch and listen to the birds waking up. There are ducks and geese on the pond and when they fly over in formation their wings make a sound like the whirring of angel wings. Across the field the farmer has not yet cut down the weeds, but the weeds are waist-high and green and, if you ignore the fact that they're weeds, actually kind of pretty with their yellow flowers smiling at the sun.

I cherish these few moments of quiet, of peace. It's the one time of day when I don't have to think about pleasing anyone but God. God knows every single challenge in my life, and in the mornings it seems I can just leave those challenges at His feet. Later in the day, for some reason, my head gets to working overtime and I take those challenges back and sling them across my shoulder and try to carry them myself. They're heavy. But every morning, God is right there again, in the silence, in the quiet, in the peace, and He says to me, "Here, child, let Me carry those for you, ok?" Thank You, Lord, for mornings.

March 6, 2010 - Ephesians 4:29 - 5:2 "Rules for a New Life"

The book of Ephesians is devoted to how we, as Christians, are to conduct ourselves within the body of Christ. Written, possibly by Paul, possibly by one of his disciples, it gives basic instruction as to how we should treat each other. This is basic stuff!

"Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

Wow. Where to start. Originally I was only going to speak about the first part of this passage, but it just kept going in my heart. I guess a good place to start, though, is the very first sentence. Let no evil talk come out of your mouth... How often during the day do I badmouth somebody? Hopefully not often! But sometimes I think it happens without my recognizing that I've done it. Now, I'm not necessarily talking about gossip here; talking about somebody I know. But what about badmouthing people I don't know? People I hear about on the news? Politicians? Evil-doers I hear about on the radio? Do I have to put my two-cents worth in to the conversation, or should I just button up the lip?

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit. I am one-hundred percent certain that when the Holy Spirit looks into my heart what S/He finds there must grieve a lot. I look into my own heart sometimes and I'm not happy with what I find there. I'm full of stuff I'd rather not be full of. I know how I WANT to be - I want to be kind and loving and peaceful and compassionate and truthful and all that other good stuff, but so often I look inside and I'm just not. I'm afraid this part is going to take a lot of work for me.

Put away the anger, etc. Oh yeah. This one hits home as well. I try. Believe me, I do try. But sometimes it's not easy. Being kind and forgiving is a whole lot easier said than done sometimes, yes? When I feel wronged, I carry that around like an albatross strapped to my soul. The wrong sits right at the very tip of my brain and raises its ugly head and spits at me. And then I'm angry all over again. How do I let it go?

Imitate God. Live in love. Sigh... So few of us are Mother Teresa. This is real life, and it's way too easy to get wrapped up in daily life and all the troubles thereof. Imitating God sounds lovely in the abstract, but in the concrete, not so easy to do. This passage reminds me of the "What Would Jesus Do?" message of a few years back. What WOULD He do in this or that situation? Maybe the first order of business is to figure that out before we make any decisions on our own, ya think?

Mary Welchel, from radio's Christian Working Woman program, gave away some bracelets a while back that said T-H-I-N-K. Before speaking one should THINK, and those words meant: Is it Truthful? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? (I'm not sure about the "I," but I think that's right...) Sounds like good advice to me.

Since I cannot in any way, shape, or form do this, or even attempt this on my own, I have only one "out," and that is prayer. Asking God's help every step of the way. Whenever I catch myself badmouthing somebody, or being unkind, or being resentful or bitter or "wrangling," (and not just out loud, but in my heart as well) I need to just stop, take a breath, and pray.

I believe that God looks at the heart. Yes, He sees our actions, He sees our failures, He sees when we repent and try to do better. He sees when we fail again and again and again at the same old lessons we should have learned a hundred times over. He sees all that. And He forgives us, and loves us anyway. He holds out His hands and says, "It's okay...I believe in you...you'll do better next time. I love you."

God is an encourager of souls. I see my faults, my character defects, my sins, and I know He does too. But I also know that He loves me in spite of them, and that gives me the strength to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. And if I need to learn the same lessons over and over and over again, I know I've got a Teacher who is kind and patient and loving. Thank You, Lord.

March 5, 2010 - Baruch 3:14 "Wisdom"

"Learn where there is wisdom,
where there is strength,
where there is understanding,
so that you may at the same time discern
where there is length of days, and life,
where there is light for the eyes,
and peace."

Baruch was the secretary of the prophet Jeremiah. The book is broken into different sections, but the pattern is the same. The people sin, they are chastised, they repent,they return to God. Baruch acknowledges that both punishment and restoration come from the Lord.

As for me, I do not see myself as wise at all. Yes, I've learned a few things in my 61 years around the track, but I still make an awful lot of mistakes, many of them over and over again. I still allow myself to get hurt over things I can't control. I still open my mouth and the exact WRONG thing comes out of it. I go into things with the best of intentions, only to have it blow up in my face. I continue to believe, with Anne Frank, that "people are really good at heart," even when they don't live up their part of the bargain, if there was one.

This passage, though, says this is a skill (if you want to call it that) that can be learned. Not something inborn, but a learned behavior. How do you learn wisdom? Where are the books with a lesson plan on becoming wise? I've know little children who were much wiser than the adults who raised them. And I've known adults who make a shambles out of their lives because they just can't (or won't) learn the lessons life puts in their path.

There is an old saying that goes something like this: "I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand." And maybe that's the trick to wisdom. Wisdom is not found in a book. Knowledge can be found in books, yes. Knowledge is found in the head. Wisdom is found in the heart. And the only way to become wise is to get out there and LIVE! Wisdom does not happen sitting on the sidelines. Wisdom happens in the middle of the game. Wisdom comes when you stick your hand in the fire and find out that it burns. Wisdom happens when you DO...but sometimes it happens when you just WATCH. I can look at someone's life and say, wow...now I wanna be like that! Or I can looka t someone's life and say, wow...what a mess! Both are wise.

So in this passage we have wisdom, and understanding, and strength. Powerful images, all. But continue...oh do please continue...for in learning to be strong, in learning to be wise, in learning to understand the troubles and foibles of ourselves and others, we learn to find peace within ourselves. We find life, light, and peace.

You know, sometimes it seems as if peace in the Bible is rare. We read a lot about war and stupidity and God being angry about one thing or another, but peace? Not so much. So, why are so drawn to these books? Written over a span of a few THOUSAND years by men and women, shepherds and physicians, prophets and just plain folks, why does this book, above all others, and with so much rampant violence and wrong-doing and sin, continue to speak to our hearts?

I think it's not because of the sex and violence we find there, but because interspersed into the Bible,tucked away like tiny treasures, we find the peace we are all seeking. Hidden away in passages like Baruch, we read about life and light and peace, and we have hope that within the idiocy of our own lives, perhaps there lives a kernal of peace in our own hearts as well. These gems of hope, the words of Jesus, the cry of the Psalmist shine the Light of God into our hearts, and we find Peace.

Life. Light. Peace. Blessings. Thank you, Lord.

March 3, 2010 - James 2:13 "Mercy"

"For judgment will be without mercy to anyone who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment."

The Bible is full of mercy. Over and over and over again, God is shown to be merciful. He says it Himself: "I will be merciful on whom I will be merciful." Jesus talks more about mercy than He does about sex, and even more than He talks about money.

In my Catholic Women's Study Bible I came across a devotion that speaks to this. It begins with three prayers, one for works, one for words, and one for prayer. It ends with this:

"You yourself command me to exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of whatever kind. The second: the word of mercy - if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will assist by my words. The third prayer - if I cannot show mercy by deeds or words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I cannot reach out physically. O my Jesus, trasnform me into yourself, for you can do all things."

Works or deeds of mercy need not be large, though they certainly can be. Chip's rescue of a baby duck who was trapped away from its mother was an act of mercy. Running into a burning building to save a child is an act of mercy. Saying a kind word to a co-worker who is going through a rough patch is an act of mercy. Keeping your promises to a relative who is struggling can be an act of mercy. Buying the bum on the streetcorner a meal can be an act of mercy.

Mercy shows no boundaries, and no act of mercy is a small one. The lady who gave me bus fare when I was a teenager out looking for a job showed me an act of mercy I have never forgotten, even after almost fifty years. We never know, sometimes, this side of Glory, just what effect our small act of mercy may have on a person's life. And sometimes we are merciful to those whom we know will not appreciate it, and may even abuse our kindness. But we are merciful anyway, because God is merciful, and it is required of us, as God's children, to be His emmisarries.

But sometimes, we can't be there. We can't rush to Haiti to help. We can't hop on a plane and go to Chile. Heck, we couldn't even get to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina! So we donate to the Red Cross. We pitch in at the local food bank. We write letters to the editor. We write blogs.

And thirdly, we pray. Prayer is something we all can do. If we can't get out of the house, we can always pray. When we feel small and helpless and totally without power, we can pray. When our hearts break for those in need or peril, we can pray. And of the three degrees of mercy, perhaps prayer is the most powerful. In prayer, we put others first. There is a certain pride that goes with the first two. Hands-on-helping - we're proud of ourselves for having helped. We're proud of having written something that helped somebody or that someone found meaningful.

But prayer is between you and God. Nobody knows what you say to God or what God says to you, unless you tell them. Even when you don't know what to pray, or even if you pray wrongly, God knows your heart. You can't be prideful when you're on your knees in true humility. When you're truly in communication with God, there is nothing else. When it's just you and God, that's where true mercy kicks in.

Lord, help me be merciful today. Rid my heart of lingering bitterness and anger. Let me be Your hands, Your feet, Your heart today. In Jesus' Name, I pray...Amen

March 1, 2010 - Psalm 68:4-6 "Home"

"Sing to God, sing praises to His name;
lift up a song to Him who rides upon the clouds -
His name is the Lord -
be exultant before Him.
Father of orphans and protector of widows
is God in His holy habitation.
God gives the desolate a home to live in;
He leads out the prisoners to prosperity,
but the rebellious live in a parched land."

He gives the desolate a home.... Amen and amen.

It has been a long time since I have felt so comfortable in church. Part of my "criteria" for church is this: Could I bring my brother, his life partner and their six multi-racial children to church and would they be comfortable there? Sadly, most of the time, the answer is no.

I was poking around the internet yesterday and did a search on "gay friendly churches Visalia." Amongst others that popped up was the Episcopal Church in Visalia. As I have spent many years as an Episcopalian, I was pretty jazzed about this. I went to the one downtown once and was...ahem...not impressed. This church meets in a Jewish Synagogue and split off from the one downtown over this very issue.

I went at the time listed, only to discover that due to the celebration of Purim, the Episcopal service had been scheduled for 4:00. So, I went back at 4:00. I haven't felt this much at home in years. It felt like I'd always been there. It's a small congregation; one where I think I can put my talents to use. The people were friendly; I was invited to stay for coffee after the service and chatted with many of the folks there. It feels like home.

So, Father, I thank You. You are indeed the protector of widows and the One who gives the desolate a home. Thank you.

February 27, 2010 - Romans 9:13-16 "God's favoritism"

"As it is written, 'I have loved Jacob, but I have hated Esau.' What then are we to say? Is there injustice on God's part? By no means! For He says to Moses, 'I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.' So it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God who shows mercy."

There is so much in this passage that I find profoundly disturbing. It reminds me of Job in a way. When Job demands that God tell him just what he did wrong to deserve this kind of treatment, God pretty much says, "Who are you, little man, to question Me?" Like the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain, don't look too closely, don't question, don't ask. None of your business. I'll do whatever I jolly well please and how dare you question it?

Well, He made us to question. He made us with minds to think and the ability to reason and wonder and act, and even to doubt.

Let's start in the beginning. The very idea that God hates someone, a person that He created, I find very disturbing. God HATED Esau? In another passage we are told that God shows no partiality, but by golly, this looks pretty partial to me. The footnotes in my Bible say that "hate" does not mean an emotional feeling, but simply a preference. Now, if I read Aramaic or Hebrew and could figure out what this passage really means, that would be great. But I don't, so I'm stuck with what a translater wants to tell me it means. The passage doesn't say He hated what Esau did; He hated Esau. What on earth do I do with that? It's hard to wrap my head around it. It makes God seem petty and small and biased.

So. There we are. How do I reconcile a God whom I see as loving and kind, a protector and comforter and friend, with a God who hates His own creation and has ordered the slaughter of entire villages?

Perhaps what should bother me is not so much that God hated Esau, but that God shows partiality at all. Genesis 4:4,5 tells us that "...the Lord had regard for Able and his offering, but for Cain and his offering He had no regard." Later He orders the slaughter of men, women, children and animals of entire villages. Didn't He create them, too? And what did the animals do wrong that they should be condemned to death? Job's children are killed because of a bet between God and satan. What kind of a God does that? And what about David? A womanizer and murderer who is still the "apple of God's eye?" How can this God and that God be the same God?

God hates. There it is. Black and white. Words on a page. Over and over and over again God shows partiality - one man over another, one tribe over another, one village over another. But Jesus tells us that "God is Love." Which are we to believe? Either Romans 2:11 ("For God shows no partiality.") is an out-and-out lie...OR my understanding is limited, faulty, and incomplete.

I'm not a scholar. I don't read Hebrew, Greek or Aramaic. And as much as I would like to be able to, I can't sugar-coat this passage and make it say something it doesn't. God hates. And sometimes He hates His own creation, His own children. God is Love. He's a "Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." (Isaiah 9:6)

Can it simply be that God is all that? And more? Can God be a stern disciplinarian and a loving Father at the same time? Can God love his children, and hate them too? At the risk of anthropomorphing God...can you? Do your children make you crazy where you just want to pop them a burlap sack and head for the creek, while at the same time love them so much it hurts? If your child wanders into the road, do you not go after them, even if you yell at them later? If the bully down the street goes after your kid, are you not the first one out the door to straighten things out?

God is. God is love. God hates. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. He causes the sun to rise on the just and the unjust. And most importantly for me is that God knows stuff I don't. I don't know Esau's heart. Was Esau's heart like Hitler's? Was Esau's heart evil and wicked and mean? Was Esau's heart so dark that God knew he couldn't (or wouldn't) ever be redeemed? I don't know those things.

So what I am left with is faith. Faith in the God of my understanding. Faith in the God that comforts me and holds me and loves me. And faith in knowing, one-hundred-percent, that God loves me. And maybe, just maybe, that has to be enough.